Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
