She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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