After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
