I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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