piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can Purell be used as lube?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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