those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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