we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
