I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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