I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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