There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
