I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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