So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
