well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are a genius and a whore.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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