ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
