i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
