can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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