i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
