I am puke
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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