Please, let me fuck your mom
I haven't been this sober since birth.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
