The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
