You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
