We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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