my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
