Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
