I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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