Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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