I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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