i jhust puked up my retainher.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
