Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
