I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
