I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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