Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
