ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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