I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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