Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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