This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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