Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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