Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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