she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Two words: blizzard sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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