Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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