I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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