Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so that wasnt chicken after all
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
