I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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