Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
