I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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