he thought i was a dude.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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