Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
