Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
