I am midnight drunk by noon
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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