I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
