I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
