She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
