A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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