I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
