I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
did i just pee glitter
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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