I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
