My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
