Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
