My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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