Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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