dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
