I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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