What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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