I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there was a trapeze. enough said
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
