i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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