Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
