Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
